I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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