I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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