She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
