wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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