After last night, I could never be a politician.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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