We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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