we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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