i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
