i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
