Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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