some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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