I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
being pregnant is like rehab
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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