Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
