There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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