I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
