Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize