I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
