Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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