As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
