I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
