Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just pee around me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize