fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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