Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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