dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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