So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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