New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
