I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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