im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
