If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
