Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
