Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
