Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
