the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
