She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
