If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
