Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
