I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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