when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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