I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
