I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
