you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize