I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
