porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
