I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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