definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
