Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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