2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
high people should be assigned attendants
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
