There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
