I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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