Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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