Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
