There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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