if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
