Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
