I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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