Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize