I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize