toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
