I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
