Porn is love you can see.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
