He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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