just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
